"Keep a diary, and one day It'll keep you"

Sunday, May 31, 2015

But She Has Not Read This...

I may not have posted anything for quite some time, but lets be honest. I don't think any of you missed me. However, a lot has happened in my life recently. The only thing I have time to share with you today, is that I have a girlfriend. She is absolutely AMAZING even though she doesn't see it in herself. I see it. She has this light inside her that pulls me in and makes me want to never look away. I love her to death, and we have barely been dating for two months. I know it's completely crazy, and fast for us to love each other already, but who puts a time limit on love? Who says that it has to take at least x amount of days to fall completely in love? To me there is no time limit on love. To me, love is not just an emotion. It is physical. I can feel it ache in my bones. It makes my stomach drop when I worry about her. It makes my fingertips shake just writing this, because she is not with me. I can feel an aching hole in my chest at this very moment thinking about how badly I wish I want to hold her. Kiss her. Love is when something as simple as holding hands is enough to make your heart race. So when you tell me I can't possibly have fallen in love so fast, that it is just lust, and that I don't know what I'm talking about, you do not feel what I feel when I'm with her. You do not see her the way I do. You do not know about what her and I talk about when we are alone. You do not know the countless nights I have worried about her, because I know what she is thinking. You do not fear loosing someone, as much as I fear loosing her. You can not tell me I don't love her because.... I do love her. I love her more than she loves herself. I love her more than the sun loves the moon. You may not know what that means, because you do not know that the sun dies every night so that the moon can breathe. I love her more than I love myself. She tells me every day that she loves me more, but she has not read this. She is more beautiful, kind, gentle, strong, independent, and perfect than anything I have ever seen. I miss waking up next to her, and seeing the smile on her face when she wakes up from all of the kisses I chose to wake her up with. I miss they way she would wrap her arms around me when she woke up. I miss that she absolutely would not let me out of bed in the morning because she didn't want to let go. I miss driving home with her holding either my hand, or my thigh, and kissing me the whole way home even though it made it hard to keep my eyes on the road. I miss being able to have her all to myself every day. Getting to spend every waking moment with her. Those were the most satisfying days I have ever known. It sounds like we broke up, but we didn't. We are still very much together. We are still very much in love with each other. I still talk to her every moment I can whether it's text messages, snap chats, phone calls, or Skype. It's just our situation that doesn't allow us to live together anymore, and that is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever known.