The ultimate goal in life, is happiness!

What does it all mean if your not happy? And by happy I don't mean having money to do, and have extravagant things. I mean laying down in your bed at night, can you smile for no reason at all? Doing something as simple as eating pizza. Is that enough to make you smile like an idiot? Well I can. Throughout my life, I have had wonderful mentors. They have all taught me different things. How to succeed, how to go to college, how to become a better writer. They all helped shape who I am, but there is one mentor whose impact is greater than all of the others. I met him when I entered a mentoring program at my High School when I was 14. He taught me the most important lesson. One that will carry me through High School, college, and my future beyond my education. He taught me how to be happy. How to find happiness in ones everyday life. That it is a CHOICE whether you are happy or not. You may think you need that jacket to be happy. You may think you need a relationship to be happy, but you don't. What you need to be happy, is a positive state of mind. Happiness is something you gain when you realize that "I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul." Once you reach a place in your life where you are honestly, and truly happy, you will find that life is beautiful. Even in all of its faults.

I Have Found Myself :)

When I started my soul searching a week or so ago, I decided to try a few things and see how I felt about them. Of these things, I started practicing yoga, writing (I have only posted one of my entries), and a whole lot of thinking. Yoga helped me relax. Just to open my mind to what I'm really feeling, while engaging my body in a strenuous activity. Writing helped me organize those thoughts. To narrow them down to something that makes sense. Then comes the thinking. "Who am I?" "What do I want to come out of my life?" "What do I want to do?". Those questions kept coming up in my head, and while I was trying to answer them, I was trying to juggle my school work, my job, my social life, and this new practice(yoga). My own identity was slipping through the cracks. Thankfully, it all came together today. One of my best friends today told me she was thinking about the peace corp. I thought it was kinda funny, because I had been thinking a lot about traveling since I got back from my trip to London, England over Christmas break. I have known for a while that I wanted a career that allows me to travel and do something that I love. I just didn't know what kind of jobs did that other than corporate jobs, which I absolutely don't want. So when I told her this, we were in the computer lab at school, so I decided I would do some research. Whenever I have an idea in my head, an idea I'm thinking of pursuing, I research it to make sure it's something I really want to do. I looked up "jobs for traveling". I didn't really care so much for the first few that I saw, which were a travel nurse (not good with needles), a flight attendant, a tour guide, etc. But the one that really stuck out to me, was a travel writer. At first I wasn't sure why the idea of a travel writer stuck out to me, but then I thought about it. Last year I really started to enjoy writing. Starting with my APUSH essays, writing the schools centennial play, and starting this new personal writing. So there's the writing aspect, but the traveling aspect is what really excites me. When I was in London, it created a new passion within me. A love of the world, other cultures, and a drive to experience all that life has to offer me. Then after deciding this during the day at school, I was telling my teachers what my new course of direction was. They all had the initial "that sounds amazing and perfect for you reaction". That's what really helped me decide that being a travel writer would provide amazing experiences, and memories for me. A life with no "what if's".

January 22nd 2015

So I have tried journal writing before, and failed because of how nosy my younger sister is. But when deciding to give it a try a few days ago, my friend gave me the idea of starting a blog. So I guess I'll start off with basic information about myself. I am currently 17 years old. I live in Sacramento California and I am a senior in High School. Over the last week or so, I have begun to do a bit of soul searching. Most of the time i think I know who I am, and then someone will say something to insult me that makes me doubt myself. This time that was D*****. My ex boyfriend. My first boyfriend. My first love. But that's all he is to me now. My past. A past I cherish, but have no intentions in going back to.
This may seem irrelevant, but I am currently listening to "Through Heaven's Eye's" from Disney's king of Egypt. My favorite Disney movie. I think I love this movie so much because Joseph finds himself through God. Which kind of relates to my situation. I'm trying to find myself, but through new experiences. I know where I stand with my beliefs. I believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the bible. And it all means a lot to me. I just don't go to church anymore. Going to church is something I wish I did more, but I don't have one to go to. So I pray every night. I can't fall asleep without doing it. I've created this habit 6 or 7 years ago. I started praying every night because I read something out of a random page in my bible, and it made me feel incredibly guilty. I have no idea why, or what I read, but it scared me, and I was only 11 years old. I seriously thought I was going to go to hell. So I decided that day, I would pray, and be in touch with God. No, I'm not the most innocent person to this day, but I feel comfortable enough with where I stand when it comes to my religion. I don't post it all over the internet for everyone to see all of the time, or talk about it 24/7 because I simply don't want or need to. I feel religion is about what you believe and have faith in. Not what you post. Some people think that you have to go to church to be a good person. And that if you attend church, that that makes you a better person than those who don't. But whether you sit in Church on Sundays or not, doesn't determine the beauty of your soul.
Well this took an unexpected turn, but that's how my mind works.