January 22nd 2015

So I have tried journal writing before, and failed because of how nosy my younger sister is. But when deciding to give it a try a few days ago, my friend gave me the idea of starting a blog. So I guess I'll start off with basic information about myself. I am currently 17 years old. I live in Sacramento California and I am a senior in High School. Over the last week or so, I have begun to do a bit of soul searching. Most of the time i think I know who I am, and then someone will say something to insult me that makes me doubt myself. This time that was D*****. My ex boyfriend. My first boyfriend. My first love. But that's all he is to me now. My past. A past I cherish, but have no intentions in going back to.
This may seem irrelevant, but I am currently listening to "Through Heaven's Eye's" from Disney's king of Egypt. My favorite Disney movie. I think I love this movie so much because Joseph finds himself through God. Which kind of relates to my situation. I'm trying to find myself, but through new experiences. I know where I stand with my beliefs. I believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the bible. And it all means a lot to me. I just don't go to church anymore. Going to church is something I wish I did more, but I don't have one to go to. So I pray every night. I can't fall asleep without doing it. I've created this habit 6 or 7 years ago. I started praying every night because I read something out of a random page in my bible, and it made me feel incredibly guilty. I have no idea why, or what I read, but it scared me, and I was only 11 years old. I seriously thought I was going to go to hell. So I decided that day, I would pray, and be in touch with God. No, I'm not the most innocent person to this day, but I feel comfortable enough with where I stand when it comes to my religion. I don't post it all over the internet for everyone to see all of the time, or talk about it 24/7 because I simply don't want or need to. I feel religion is about what you believe and have faith in. Not what you post. Some people think that you have to go to church to be a good person. And that if you attend church, that that makes you a better person than those who don't. But whether you sit in Church on Sundays or not, doesn't determine the beauty of your soul.
Well this took an unexpected turn, but that's how my mind works.