"Keep a diary, and one day It'll keep you"

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Lacking Inspiration

Lately I've been feeling rather lazy. Like I'd rather just sit, and wait around before I need to get ready for work. I'd rather sit in my bed, or on the couch instead of get up and do something productive. I didn't realize until just now that I've been lacking motivation. Inspiration. I am usually very self motivated, and driven; lately I've been clouded by my love for hanging out with my friends, and being a stupid teenager. Which is fine, if you have a balance. I'm afraid that I'm starting to loose that balance. I haven't done hardly anything in the last week to better my mind, body and/or soul. Yes I've had this week off of school, but that's no excuse. I need to tap back into my inspiration. I need to find it again. Where do I look for that? Where do I start? Do I start with something as simple as cleaning my room, or my car? Or something as lengthy as doing my homework? What about my chores? Then I have work, so what's next after work at 9:30 tonight? I'm starting to feel a bit stuck in my everyday routine. One that will not help me succeed. Is there anyone else who feels the same? Is there anyone else searching for inspiration?

Sunday, February 8, 2015

When It's Good For The Soul

Today it rained. I don't mean a slight sprinkle like it usually is here in Sacramento. It was a real, heavy downpour. Like the rain we used to have in Washington almost everyday. It wasn't until I was walking to my car in the midst of it, that I realized how much I missed the rain. The feeling of the crisp cold water on my skin, and the way the clean air feels refreshing to breathe in.

I lived in Washington state until I was fourteen years old. For the first two years that I lived here I couldn't sleep unless I was listening to the rain. I had to download an app that had the sound of rain, and I would play it in my room until I would fall asleep. Today I noticed that I haven't had to do that in the last year and a half. That I stopped needing the rain. When I was younger, and going through rough times I would go out in the rain to help clear my mind. The rain would sooth my mind, and nourish my soul. As much as I love it here, California sadly doesn't provide much rain for me. I had to find new things to replenish my soul. Which now that I think about it, is probably why I don't need to listen to the rain on m phone anymore. Now I do thing like reading, practicing yoga, and this blog, because they are whats good for my soul. They fill the hole that leaving Washington created. With these things I am whole, and my soul is thriving!

What do you do, that's good for your Soul?

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Disappointments

What do you do when you don't get accepted into your dream college? You stare at the screen. Rereading the word "DENIED" over, and over again. You feel this heat rising up in you. A heat that makes you uncomfortable in your own skin. After a few minutes of seeing your life crumble at the sight of one word, reality sinks in. You start asking yourself all kinds of questions. Questions like, what am I going to do? Where am I going to go? I created this whole life, this whole plan for the rest of my life based on the fact that I was told by everyone that I was going to get in! And I didn't. What do you do when your faced with that? That kind of disappointment? Do you cry? Do you scream? Do you go straight to your original plan B? A plan you have absolutely no interest in pursuing, whatsoever? Well I'll tell you what I did. I turned around, and I created a brand new plan. One people are trying to get me to dismiss. A plan that has potential to be an amazing opportunity, but it seems that everyone is trying to make me do what THEY want me to do. If there are a million ways to get anywhere in the world, why is it so important that I take one specific rout to get to the desired place in my future?

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Sheer Bliss

Do you ever just sit in the sun?
Do you ever soak up the heat?
When there's still a breeze mixing in the warmth of the sun?
Can you find yourself enjoying the light on your skin?
Can you block out your surroundings by just closing your eyes?
Do you hear the wind in the trees?
Or the rustling of paper?
Do you feel the sheer bliss of nature?

Saturday, January 31, 2015

The ultimate goal in life, is happiness!

What does it all mean if your not happy? And by happy I don't mean having money to do, and have extravagant things. I mean laying down in your bed at night, can you smile for no reason at all? Doing something as simple as eating pizza. Is that enough to make you smile like an idiot? Well I can. Throughout my life, I have had wonderful mentors. They have all taught me different things. How to succeed, how to go to college, how to become a better writer. They all helped shape who I am, but there is one mentor whose impact is greater than all of the others. I met him when I entered a mentoring program at my High School when I was 14. He taught me the most important lesson. One that will carry me through High School, college, and my future beyond my education. He taught me how to be happy. How to find happiness in ones everyday life. That it is a CHOICE whether you are happy or not. You may think you need that jacket to be happy. You may think you need a relationship to be happy, but you don't. What you need to be happy, is a positive state of mind. Happiness is something you gain when you realize that "I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul." Once you reach a place in your life where you are honestly, and truly happy, you will find that life is beautiful. Even in all of its faults.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

I Have Found Myself :)

When I started my soul searching a week or so ago, I decided to try a few things and see how I felt about them. Of these things, I started practicing yoga, writing (I have only posted one of my entries), and a whole lot of thinking. Yoga helped me relax. Just to open my mind to what I'm really feeling, while engaging my body in a strenuous activity. Writing helped me organize those thoughts. To narrow them down to something that makes sense. Then comes the thinking. "Who am I?" "What do I want to come out of my life?" "What do I want to do?". Those questions kept coming up in my head, and while I was trying to answer them, I was trying to juggle my school work, my job, my social life, and this new practice(yoga). My own identity was slipping through the cracks. Thankfully, it all came together today. One of my best friends today told me she was thinking about the peace corp. I thought it was kinda funny, because I had been thinking a lot about traveling since I got back from my trip to London, England over Christmas break. I have known for a while that I wanted a career that allows me to travel and do something that I love. I just didn't know what kind of jobs did that other than corporate jobs, which I absolutely don't want. So when I told her this, we were in the computer lab at school, so I decided I would do some research. Whenever I have an idea in my head, an idea I'm thinking of pursuing, I research it to make sure it's something I really want to do. I looked up "jobs for traveling". I didn't really care so much for the first few that I saw, which were a travel nurse (not good with needles), a flight attendant, a tour guide, etc. But the one that really stuck out to me, was a travel writer. At first I wasn't sure why the idea of a travel writer stuck out to me, but then I thought about it. Last year I really started to enjoy writing. Starting with my APUSH essays, writing the schools centennial play, and starting this new personal writing. So there's the writing aspect, but the traveling aspect is what really excites me. When I was in London, it created a new passion within me. A love of the world, other cultures, and a drive to experience all that life has to offer me. Then after deciding this during the day at school, I was telling my teachers what my new course of direction was. They all had the initial "that sounds amazing and perfect for you reaction". That's what really helped me decide that being a travel writer would provide amazing experiences, and memories for me. A life with no "what if's".

Sunday, January 25, 2015

January 22nd 2015

So I have tried journal writing before, and failed because of how nosy my younger sister is. But when deciding to give it a try a few days ago, my friend gave me the idea of starting a blog. So I guess I'll start off with basic information about myself. I am currently 17 years old. I live in Sacramento California and I am a senior in High School. Over the last week or so, I have begun to do a bit of soul searching. Most of the time i think I know who I am, and then someone will say something to insult me that makes me doubt myself. This time that was David. My ex boyfriend. My first boyfriend. My first love. But that's all he is to me now. My past. A past I cherish, but have no intentions in going back to.
This may seem irrelevant, but I am currently listening to "Through Heaven's Eye's" from Disney's king of Egypt. My favorite Disney movie. I think I love this movie so much because Joseph finds myself through God. Which kind of relates to my situation. I'm trying to find myself, but through new experiences. I know where I stand with my beliefs. I believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the bible. And it all means a lot to me. I just don't go to church anymore. Going to church is something I wish I did more, but I don't have one to go to. So I pray every night. I can't fall asleep without doing it. I've created this habit 6 or 7 years ago. I started praying every night because I read something out of a random page in my bible, and it made me feel incredibly guilty. I have no idea why, or what I read, but it scared me, and I was only 11 years old. I seriously thought I was going to go to hell. So I decided that day, I would pray, and be in touch with God. No, I'm not the most innocent person to this day, but I feel comfortable enough with where I stand when it comes to my religion. I don't post it all over the internet for everyone to see all of the time, or talk about it 24/7 because I simply don't want to. I feel religion is about what you believe and have faith in. Not what you post. Some people think that you have to go to church to be a good person. And that if you attend church, that that makes you a better person than those who don't. But whether you sit in Church on Sundays or not, doesn't determine the beauty of your soul.
Well this took an unexpected turn, but that's how my mind works.